Have you seen your Self lately?

by Dr. Gabrielle Pelicci, PhD, LMT

There is something magical, uplifting and purposeful about having a relationship with our Self. Although we can talk about it intellectually, the experience of knowing our Self, honoring our Self and respecting our Self is a visceral, felt experience. It comes from some place deep inside and cannot be commanded, controlled, or determined by external forces. We seek it with our heart and follow it with our intuition. We know exactly when we are aligned with our Self or not because it affects every aspect of our life. The balance of our life lies in the ability to develop and maintain that crucial relationship with the Self.

How often have you or some you know uttered one of the following phrases…

“I can’t find myself.”

“I need to find myself.”

“I lost myself.”

“I finally found myself.”

As women, we do everything in our power to build, sustain, and maintain the relationships around us. We are ‘relating’ beings. We want to get along with everyone and create peace in our environment. Why is it that the one relationship that is most important – the relationship to our Self – often gets put on the back burner? Maybe it’s because it’s hard. Maybe it’s easier to know what other people want and do what pleases them. Maybe guilt or resentment is blocking our relationship with our Self. Perhaps we feel selfish if we do for our Self what we do for everyone else.

One of my a-ha moments came recently during a Life Coaching session when I heard a woman describing all the things that she does for her family and how she wished that they would return the favor sometimes. I realized that the kindness, generosity, listening, support and other things that I give to the people in my life are exactly the same things that I want to receive in return.

But we don’t always receive those things from others – especially if we play the caretaker or healer role. We often wait for someone to give it to us. And what happens when they don’t? Well, I know what happens with me. I become furious or fall into a pit of despair. The familiar monologue starts to run in my mind, “How dare he neglect me when I am feeling sick. He should be taking care of me like I take care of him,” or “I can’t believe she didn’t do anything nice for me on my birthday. I always do nice things for her.”

Where does all of this lead? It leads down the road to bitterness, suffering and pain. What’s the cure for this repeating pattern in our life? What path will lead to fulfillment, contentment and peace of mind? We have to give to our Self what we give to everyone else and then we won’t sit around waiting for others to give it to us.

Do you need more joy? Then rent a funny movie, take your Self out dancing, rekindle an old hobby that makes you feel good. Do you need more relaxation? Then take a yoga class, get a massage or sit in a hot bath. Is it stimulation that you’re missing? Take a workshop, go back to school or read a challenging book. What about connection? Have you connected with others deeply and honestly lately? If not, join a group like Women Healing Women or a church group or some organization where you can meet people with shared beliefs and values.

WILD WOMAN

Something has awakened in my soul

It lives and breathes within me.

It is the wild women come home,

She is full and ready and passionate

To live a life of great fullness

To cheer with friends and lovers

Reveling in the ecstatic sounds of children

Innocence living

To only know love and nothing more

To find the compassionate beauty in every one being

Every time a dolphin sings and a whale cries

She shakes with the rhapsody of oneness in embodiment Kindred souls of the earth

Now awake to their divine calling

The crystalline structures of love

Are binding together

To at last prevail

A knowing consciousness

Reigns

It lives and breathes within me.